Living in the Now – My Thoughts on the Past, Present and Future

Living in the Now – My Thoughts on the Past, Present and Future

I’ve always had mixed feelings about the concept of “living in the now”. For instance a majority of the world is of the opinion that one should not dwell in the past, should not keep worrying about the future, and must start living your life to the fullest in the present. But sometimes my mind starts debating against this concept.

Let’s take the “Past” first. No, I’m not going to take you through a revised journey of “A Christmas Carol” e.g. The Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future. Nope. It’s just some silly thoughts running in my mind.

Past, Now, Future

Now let’s see. If anyone ever gave me the choice to relive my past, I would like to make the same decisions I made then. Make those same mistakes, make those same enemies, love all the same people and be betrayed by them. Changing your past won’t do you any good, because even if you do erase those mistakes from your past, even if you do learn from those faults, you will eventually do them again one day or another. Because you still have that same heart. You will still fall for the wrong people. You will still give them a chance to make it right and they WILL disappoint you. But you won’t stop hoping that maybe THIS time you won’t be let down.  You will try different tactics to reverse the outcome, but ultimately the conclusion will be the same. Your heart will be broken. But there’s a special beauty of time. Time heals.

Your wounds will be healed one day; just don’t forget to always remember your past. Do not mope or cry about it that “Oh why did I do that? Why did that happen to me?” No please don’t. Just recall it when making new decisions. Make calculated moves after having a quick review of your history. Think about what you have been through to make you the person you are today and how you can be bettered.

Never dwell in the past, never live in it, but also never forget it either.

The Lion King Quote

If the Past is what refines you then the Present is what defines you. I’m not against the notion of living your present to the fullest, but I’m the sort of person who can’t always live in the now. Every single thing I do, I do for a better future. Don’t we all? I’ve been studying for 16 long tiring years of my life, for what? All of this is to get a better future, to get a better job, to be an intellectual mother and raise my kids in a refined and educated way. I want to live in the present in a way which defines me as a focused, driven, and determined person who lives to lead a better life ahead.

Buddha said:

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

With all due respect, I do not agree. I like to make decisions that not only affect my present but ALSO positively affect my future. I don’t like making decisions which are eventually FRUITLESS, which will go to waste.

There is this Urdu phrase “Dekhi jaye gi!” which is more of an I-Don’t-Give-A-Crap version of “We’ll see”, and it is single-handedly one of the most irritating phrases of all time which plainly infuriates me.

If you want to do something in the present, make sure it is fruitful. Make sure it doesn’t mean NOTHING in the end. I can’t make those kinds of fruitless decisions. I do not want to do a “Dekhi jaye gi” thing.

So yeah I’m the kind of person who DOES give a damn about the Past, learns from it and makes decisions in the Present which resultantly better my Future. Yeah I don’t know about the Future, it’s in the dark, and living for something which is in the dark may seem meaningless for a majority of people in the world but it is the ONLY thing which gives meaning to my life. Living for SOMETHING. Living for those goals. And if I die before achieving those goals, at least I’ll be satisfied by the realization that I TRIED. That is what gives me happiness in the Present. The feeling of TRYING.

“Crippled” – A Poem

“Crippled” – A Poem

Note: This is my very first amateur attempt at writing a poem, so please don’t judge me, I just wanted to put my feelings in (not so accurately) rhyming words.

Also I’d like to thank you in advance for taking out your precious time to read my silly poem :)

“Crippled”

The scars and wounds of my shattered past,

Have crippled my sense of trust,

I’ve been told to get over those memories,

In my heart I also know I must,

For there are people who truly love me,

And mistreating them is not at all just,

..

But the scars and wounds of my shattered past,

Have crippled my sense of trust..

..

I used to be carefree and serene,

There was nothing that could put me down,

But then came the winds of deceit and treachery,

Which dragged me from Heaven and slammed me on the filthy ground,

I looked about and realized I’m lying in a meadow of roses,

All blooming and lovely; O how they filled me with hope that was utterly profound,

But when I tried to pluck one away; well you know how it goes,

The thorns left me smothered in blood, and my trembling lips could no longer make a sound..

..

From that day on if anyone asks me; why so bitter and cruel, so ruthless and unjust?

I can only smile and say with my tears seeping down into the dust,

That the scars and wounds of my shattered past,

Have crippled my sense of trust.